CHURCH OF THE REDVOLUCION

This world saddens me...

2008-03-07T05:54:00.000-08:00

This world saddens me
For no bosoms I can see
Underneath they wait for me
They have two I want three

This world saddens me...

ANNOUNCEMENT

2008-03-06T02:37:00.000-08:00

Worthless Peons take heed! The Lord of all Tables, The devourer of Life, The Destroyer of Hymens, The God of your brother's uncle's father's son, The Smiter of Sin, The 7th Son of the 7th Son of the 8th Daughter of the 2nd Son, The MAN of MEN, The Tetragrammaton Imperator RED, shall grace us with his most eminent of ambassadors, Plasticbagman.

PBMan shall deliver an adress from He who sits at the Orphan Bones Throne tomorrow during the Holy Day of Friday.

Please be here for a live podcast.

Thank You.

Sayings of the Almighty

2008-03-05T06:44:00.000-08:00

A choice selection of proverbs from The Book Of Sayings.
"Avast! Ye shall provide RED with honor and power forever! For it is through HIS will that all humans breathe.
The sweat of his armpits formed the first rivers, and the curls of his hair the first forests."
-Proverbial Verbs XVII, Chapter 1, Verse 1

"In HIS mighty absence, the GOD OF GODS decreed a church be built for his HONOR. This church shall be made in the spirit of worship. It's mighty pillars must stretch forth to reach out into the sky, and it's steps shall be countless. For only the fit and the athletic are allowed to worship HIM in HIS most holiest of temples."
- Istokaji I, Chapter 245, Verse 18

"I was in a good mood when I created Jessica Alba. Be thankful that I am just and kind. For if you anger me, I shall grant GMA ANOTHER TERM IN POWER. Woe, woe to you who shall anger me!"
- Proverbial Verbs III, Chapter 670, Verse 12

"I hate the poor. It is the job of ALL REDISTS to execute those who beg for your money."
- Continuum Transfunction, Chapter 80, Verse 322

"Money is the root of all my kindness. It shall be offered to me and my holiest preacher. An offering of gold and diamonds and other riches are a requirement for ALL REDISTS. Ye shall contribute just enough so that you can still live in luxury."
- The Fortune Of Red 500, Chapter 5, Verse 8

"Jenny is one of my preachers. He/She/It shall be respected."
-Yahoo! Messenger, Wednesday March 05,2008
-Fin-

As a note to all readers, please keep reverance when reading HIS most sacred texts.
When reading, please have a shirt on at least. And please, don't be grabbing yourself when you read. the GOD OF GODS does not like smelly hands.
However, if you are female and are at least moderately attractive, please take off ALL your clothes and turn your webcam on. And please, contact mR.m or plasticbagman for a FREE confession via webcam!*

All hail!

*Free confession requirements:
18-30, female.
Must be Moderately attractive. We will grade you.
85-130 pounds. Do not use "the camera adds 10 pounds" excuse. If thats the case then stop eating cameras.
Must be pleasant.
Must be flexible.
Must love dogs.
Must be kinky.
Must be discreet.

First reading.

2008-03-05T06:25:00.000-08:00

Taken from the first book of Istokaji; Chapter 927, Verse 52, Paragraph 88, Section 254-c;

"...And ye shall craft for me, a statue, 500 cubits of height, and it's material shall be of the purest marble. Woe betide the craftsman who shall not follow my specific instructions! Thine brilliance of the material should be magnificent enough to blind those who look upon it without protection. For that brilliance is a reflection of my magnanimous magnificence.

And upon my triumphant take-over of the world governments, Ye shall craft for me a throne, made out of the bones of virgin orphans, for it is only they who can provide the purity that is required for my bottom to be comfortable. With their entrails, ye shall make a pillow.
Upon my head shall rest a crown of diamonds and the sinew and skin of the elderly. For it is only the elderly who can provide the wisdom that is required for my head to be comfortable.
Woe betide the craftsman who does not follow my specific instructions!"

All hail!

Welcome all!

2008-03-05T06:22:00.000-08:00

Salutations worthless peons! Welcome to the official blog of the most holy JOB REUDAN TETRAGRAMMATON OLLERO.
Here, you are given the honor of reading his most holiest of texts. I shall post upon this website choice excerpts from his holy books, so that all may bask in his glory, and live in accordance with his wills and teachings.
You may know him as Red. And he forgives you for addressing him as such. But as his most trusted, and most holy of preachers, I urge each and every one of you not to address him in person. His is a power so awesome that a single word from his mouth can destroy planets. In his grace and wisdom, he has taken human form, to further understand the inner workings of his most beautiful of creations. Respect, Admiration, Worship, and Honor are all due to him. I preach his most holy of words, and hopefully, all who read them shall be inspired to follow in his footsteps.

ALL HAIL IMPERATOR REX RED!
ALL HAIL THE EMPEROR OF THE WORLD!